Real Estate Experts Bring the Fun: “The Broke Agent” Shares His Wildest Tales
The Broke Agent is a source for real estate agents to share funny stories and images from their adventures on the job. But you don’t need to be an agent to appreciate their Instagram feed.
A real estate agent’s mission is to sell, sell, sell. Their goal is to get potential buyers into the house. But some houses, like the ones featured below, come with incredible obstacles.
Let’s Get Real
Let’s say you are walking through a newly built home you want to buy, and it looks lovely – marble floors, freshly painted walls, and beautiful molding everywhere. You probably think this might be the one! So you get excited about buying this house.
After you submit the contract, you have the home inspected. Only a clever inspector would have the smarts not to assume that the vent covers were real. Now you start wondering what else is fake. And the deal is off.
“And a Stainless Steel Kitchen!”
Those words warm the heart of house hunters. It seems everyone wants a shiny new kitchen with stainless steel appliances. You look at the photos and get so excited about this gorgeous kitchen; you can imagine yourself cooking in it.
Let’s face it, the seller (and the agent?) has to be desperate to pull off this sham. A magnetized image of modern appliances covers the old appliances and makes the kitchen look modern in the online pictures. The truth will come out, guys.
How Exactly Do I Get in There?
Can you figure out what’s going on in this house? There’s a doorway to a lower level that can close to make a flat walkway to the teeny tiny toilet. Of course, we can’t even see a door to the toilet room, but that’s the least of this house’s problems.
How does the agent explain this to the buyers? Is this called a “unique feature”? We think this is just poor planning and potentially dangerous. Those steps into the lower level don’t look safe, and we’d be afraid of that “doorway” falling on our heads. Move on, buyers.
A Very Bad Idea
These owners wanted to install a flat-screen TV to entice potential buyers. The thing is, you have to do a neat, professional job to attract those buyers. And this definitely needed to be more neat and professional. So what, exactly, were they thinking?
The owners punched a hole in a wall and stuck an old TV through it so that only the screen showed in the home. And then, they covered the back of the TV with plastic sheeting. There are countless ways this is just ridiculous.
Please Buy this House!
You have to give the neighbors a high-five for this one. Having an annoying neighbor can make everyone’s life downright unhappy and stressful. At least potential buyers know ahead of time that the neighbors will be friendly and welcoming.
In addition, the buyers know that their new neighbors will only put up with them if they behave properly. So what’s the likelihood that this sign stayed posted for long? Hopefully, it was up long enough for buyers to see, and for the message to get across to the current owner.
I Can Fix This
Seriously, who is going to believe that this lawn is really green and healthy? The current owner tried to cover the dead lawn by virtually “coloring” in the green. So if the owner is faking the lawn, what else could he be faking?
If you are going to fake people out, you might want to take a lesson or two in enhancing images. This picture could have come out looking real with just a little help. Right now, it looks like something a pre-schooler did.
Great Place for a Grate
What genius had this idea? Potential buyers will immediately notice the open grate in the doorway when they walk into this house. Of course, their first thought will be, “If I ever drop my keys, I’ll never get them back.” That’s enough to kill a deal.
Not only that, but this looks like a storm drain. Does that mean that water tends to pool near the front door? Couldn’t they have moved the drain somewhere else? Too many questions, so the deal’s off.
Many sellers and agents hire home stagers. The stagers make the home look clean, neat, and modern to attract buyers. Sometimes they add plants to give the place a feeling of nature. But, unfortunately, this home stager got a little carried away.
While placing a few plants here and there freshen up a house, this stager created a rainforest in the space. We don’t know about you, but it gives the home a creepy feel, as if some nature maniac lives there.
I Am Not Going in There
Is it an optical illusion or a very dangerous bathroom? We hope it’s an optical illusion, otherwise the owner is taking a significant risk with potential lawsuits. On the other hand, some buyers may find this funky bathroom a fun feature of the house.
Of course, when you’re a real estate agent trying to sell a house, you have to find something positive to say about a freaky bathroom. But buyers will be stunned when they see this, so the agent had better have a clever comeback at the ready.
What Happened Here?
It looks like the owners put up a wall in the middle of a staircase, left the railing, and expect buyers to be OK with how this looks. To us, it’s an invitation to little kids to do some dangerous climbing. The home looks neat and clean, but why leave the partial stairway?
The owners may plan to remove the wall at some point and make the stairway available. But if they are trying to sell this house, it was a poor decision to leave the mini-stairs. It’s ugly and so weird – they would have been wise to wall up the remaining part of the stairs.
Do you like the idea of a balcony but hate sitting in the sun? Here’s the apartment complex for you. All of the balconies face the inside hallway. This way, you can drink your morning coffee, chat with your neighbors, or wish them well on their way out.
While this looks like a jail block, if you live in a very hot or frigid area of the world, you can socialize with neighbors any time, even have a block party. It may look weird, but it makes sense when you think about it.
A Tiny Mold Problem
One problem home buyers worry about is mold. If there is a smell of mold, or if they see mold stains anywhere in the house, they will walk away. However, mold is not only a sign of decay but also a health hazard. Therefore, agents might try to downplay a mold problem.
Some mold problems, however, just can’t be downplayed. This one has gone so far that mushrooms are growing, and who knows how deep that mold is growing. The owner should have at least cut down the fungi.
Well, That’s Different
Some homes sell faster if rooms have been renovated or updated. New kitchens and bathrooms are especially important to buyers. In addition, upgrades like new tile, marble countertops, and fresh paint are all critical to house hunters.
Here’s a bathroom that looks updated and has some kind of retro feel. We’re not sure what’s going on here. The counter looks new, and the paint looks fresh, but what exactly is that pod? Is it a space-age shower? Weird doesn’t always go well with home buyers.
We are Fancy
Let’s say the owners want to make house hunters think their home is in a fancy neighborhood. So, they Photoshop a Ferrari in the driveway. Now let’s analyze what’s wrong with this picture and why it would be a turnoff to buyers.
First, the home is small and modest, so the expensive car in the driveway does not match the house or the neighborhood. Second, the Photoshop job is amateurish. Finally, the whole photo makes one wonder how honest the seller is. Pass!
Please Explain This
What would you do if you were viewing this home and saw this weird doorway? Hopefully, you’d walk away, or maybe you’d think it was funky. Either way, it’s a dangerous setup, and someone is sure to trip and hurt themselves.
One can only wonder what design flaw forced this creation. Was the floor on the other side of the door too high? Could they not just raise the doorway? How exactly does one navigate this door without stubbing a toe or tripping? Your choices are – call it unique and buy or call it dangerous and walk away.
Just a Little Off
If your agent took you to see this house, we bet you’d tell the agent to keep driving. Aside from being weird to look at, how are people supposed to get into this house? Walk up the steps and jump to the door?
It might be easier to walk up this pyramid of steps and climb in the window. We’re hoping the owners didn’t pay the bricklayer, but it makes you wonder. Did the owners see the job in progress? And they chose not to comment? People are weird.
Agents are trained to write descriptions of homes that emphasize the positive and downplay the negative. For example, if the house has a teeny tiny balcony overlooking the living room, forget the “teeny tiny” part and emphasize the balcony.
It’s when you walk into the home that reality hits you. This home’s “balcony” looks more like an outlook for a prison guard. It can only fit one person! You have to have sympathy for the agent who had to make this weird balcony sound beautiful.
How does a real estate agent explain this stove? Clearly, someone at the factory made a mistake, and maybe the owners purchased it on the cheap. But the location of the burners is going to make cooking challenging for the new owners.
This misalignment may be repairable, but you certainly would want to complete the repair before bringing potential buyers to the house. In addition, this mistake reeks of the owners’ disinterest in impressing house hunters.
Imagine Yourself Here
This is actually a cute and clever idea. It combines a sense of humor with a glimpse of life in this home. It gives potential buyers a good feeling about the sellers while enticing them with the backyard view.
While none of us look like a blue stick figure, the comic drawing and handwritten message are amusing and draw you in to find out what’s going on. When you see that magnificent backyard, you realize what a gorgeous view you would have.
Just a Little Adjustment
Well, you have to give the homeowners credit for imagination. After placing their ceiling fan in the wrong location, they simply cut through the post so the fan could work. What is the agent supposed to say when showing this house?
But it’s not just the mangled post that is troubling – the fan and the woodwork are filthy, and whatever is going on with the structure of this home is troubling. Our advice? Time to walk away.
If you were the real estate agent, would you be able to describe this strange setup as a feature? Clearly the current owners wanted a jacuzzi near their fireplace, so is this a huge bathroom or an awkward living room?
You’d have to convince the house hunters that this is a cool feature, and they’ll love being able to bathe right in the carpeted living room. Just avoid the questions about moisture, wet carpet, and the debate about bathroom vs. living room.
The Bathroom is Right Down Those Stairs
Let us list the ways this bathroom is a disaster. At first glance, it seems dark and dingy, but that’s not the worst part. You must walk down steps to get to the toilet and then walk halfway back up to wash your hands.
The weirdness doesn’t end there. There is a shower right near the bidet, probably making those marble steps extremely slippery. Also, the bidet is squeezed into a corner, and heaven help the person trying to make that maneuver. It’s just so wrong.
Bring the Contractor Back
How can this even happen? Was the door hanger even looking at what he was doing? Hopefully, the owners will only show their house once this little mistake is fixed. Let’s hope that the real estate agent made that suggestion.
It’s not a complicated fix, but until the repair, we’ll assume this will not be used as a guest bathroom. Unless one’s guests are very open-minded, that is. Or the guest is a toddler who needs assistance.
Genius or Ridiculous?
Some bathrooms have toilet rolls hanging in awkward places; sometimes, you have to twist your entire body around to reach the dispenser. Maybe this is why the owner chose to make the toilet paper easily reachable.
Now think about how you’d sit on this contraption. Side-saddle? And what about men – will the toilet roll flop down when they try to lift it? This should be on the replacement list for the buyers. It’s just too weird.
Cozy or Crazy?
This may be a good idea. The floor is lovely, the rug is cozy, and the bed looks comfortable. Even the lighting is nicely done. Clearly, the room has been refurbished as a bedroom.
Still, as lovely as it looks, it’s still a garage. The owners did not remove the garage door or the garage door opener, so the mechanical equipment gives the space a temporary feel. Why not close in the garage door wall? And one more thing – doesn’t it get cold in there?
The Fake Bed
An agent who is trying to sell an empty house might hire a home stager to decorate the home and make it look liveable and cozy. That’s not uncommon. What we don’t know, walking through a house for sale, is how innovative the stager has to be.
However, there has to be a better way of faking a bed than dragging crates and tons of empty beer and soda cans and covering them with a blanket. That was a lot of work! And let’s hope the buyers don’t decide to plop down on the edge of that bed.